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Ne pas avaler…

"Do Not Swallow" - There go my Friday night plans.

I would really like to know what ya-hoo out there first bought a pair of shoes and, upon finding the innocuous little packet of white pellets inside (a.k.a silica-gel used to keep any possible moisture at bay), thought, “oooOOOooo! TREATS!”

I mean, was this really such a problem that a warning had to be put on this slightly larger than postage-stamp sized envelope? In two languages no less? (Apparently they have similar issues in France, lol)

Warning labels crack me up because it only means that at some time, somewhere, some idiot actually tried to do the thing the rest of us are being warned about.  It further means that said idiots then tried to sue the companies that now have these ridiculous warning labels claiming “But…nowhere on that thing does it say NOT TO!” thereby making such “warnings” necessary.

For example:

  • “Do not eat toner.” — On a toner cartridge for a laser printer. (and you think red popsicles stain yer tongue? wait until you get a mouthfull of this stuff…)
  • “Do not use for drying pets.” — In the manual for a microwave oven. (how many pets were lost to this stupidity?!?)
  • “Do not use orally.” — On a toilet bowl cleaning brush. (could it really be mistaken for a toothbrush?  really? maybe if you’ve got a REEEALLY big mouth!)
  • “Do not iron clothes on body.” — On packaging for a Rowenta iron. (for the love of GOD!!!)
  • “For external use only!” — On a curling iron. (Seriously…I cringe to imagine…and only hope it was unplugged and cold at the time…)

And this one just…confused me, LMAO!!!: (On a laser pointer)

  • “Do not look into laser with remaining eye.” (With “remaining eye”?!? Does that mean he shined it into the first eye, went blind then decided to shine it in the other eye to make sure it was the laser causing the blindness in the first eye?? LOL! Ya…CLEARLY natural selection is NO LONGER WORKING!)

What, after all, does it say about the general level of human intellect when you have to specifically tell people “do not use orally after using rectally (electric thermometer)?!?”

It might be better for the human gene pool in general for those who actually need to be told that the “wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly” to go ahead, put on that superman costume and run right off the edge of that building and spare the world the infliction your DNA will no doubt carry on into the next generation.

Categories: Favorites, Hilarity, Odd
  1. Kai
    October 3, 2006 at 12:00 pm

    Blu, don’t you know that these warnings are there for us intelligent people to look at and say “WTF?” and start laughing really hard. It is for our amusement only.
    I would really like to be at the meetings where they come up with this stuff…that would be so hilarious…I can just imagine sitting around a table and laughing my a$$ off.

    Kai

  2. Shelly
    October 3, 2006 at 2:55 pm

    That was the laugh I was looking for today. :0)

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