Home > Favorites, Random, Rants > It’s not that I hate driving…

It’s not that I hate driving…

…it’s that I hate the other drivers on the road.  Not all drivers.  Just the class a, certifiable, cell-phone using, big mac shoving, screaming-at-their-kids-instead-of-watching-the-road morons that our roads are far too overpopulated with.  I mean, is there a ‘special’ driving school somewhere pumping out mediocre graduates of offensive driving? Cause I’m offended!  Anyone else?

Take this idiot incident de’jour for example:  I’m driving along in the left lane (I have a big @$$ truck and so I tend to be a bit extra careful because it’s a little difficult to stop several thousand pounds on a dime – ya…trucks do not equal agile, lol) and this little rice grinder on a lefthand side street (turning left into my lane) decides there’s just enough room to zip in…in front of my 6 ton grill…except there isn’t.  Jack hole stomps his gas and proceeds at full rice grinder speed (which is about 37 mph) and stops just short of committing sure suicide on my left front fender causing me to swerve to the right and the guy next to me to swerve into the bus lane!  And there he was, in the middle turn lane, with his hands flapping around like a crow on fire.  I only saw a little out of the corner of my eye as I went past, but I’m pretty sure ‘gestures’ were involved.  He actually had the nerve to be mad at me because he almost hit me.  I was just driving – minding my own and then I almost had a heart-attack because of this buttnut!  *sigh*

Sorry..this is gonna be a long rant…because I wish I could say it all ended there.  At least the ‘excitement’ ended…sadly, the stupidity continued (and not my own).  For only four blocks further, where the freeway intersects with my two lane (each way) street, some wanker decided NOT to wait at the first green light like a normal person (so she wouldn’t block the intersection as the 2nd light was red), and instead proceeded to drive up behind the line of traffic waiting for the 2nd light on the next block – and in doing so, she did block the entire intersection to cross-traffic (I stopped at the green light this person should have stopped at and just waited for the show to start).

This is an intersection that has a three lane offramp from the freeway emptying into it.  It was bad enough that this off-ramp was now blocked by this person’s inconsideration and poor spacial planning skills…but to compound matters, when the off-ramp’s light turned green, yet ANOTHER turd chaser (from the off-ramp) drives right up to the driver door of the first car (who is blocking all cross-traffic of the intersection) and sits there blocking the entire oncoming line of traffic of the street I’m on.

Did I mention this is during the morning rush hour?

So there we are.  I’m completely blocked, oncoming direction is completely blocked, and the off-ramp is 75% blocked.  Why?  All because of a mini-van who didn’t have a basic understanding of it’s own size because the owner actually bought into the whole ‘mini’ marketing concept which says in a nutshell, YOU ARE MINI!  SO SMALL YOU CAN FIT INTO A NUTSHELL! and is devoid of all logic because logic states that if you drive into an intersection when the car in front of you is actually sticking 10% into himself, then you will be 110% sticking into it and in fact will block the entire thing.  Not only that, but the universal law of blocking intersections clearly states that:

a.) the light you think is about to change green [and is therefore your justification for blocking the intersection in the first place – i.e. “I’ll only be here for a few seconds – it’s just about to turn green!”], will in fact be the longest freaking light in town (and it is) and it will have JUST TURNED RED (because the traffic system in my town is utterly screwed up – just like every other town).


2.) will attract other misguided idiots who think that if they drive right up to your driver door [thereby blocking the entire oncoming line of traffic with not only his full size van-self, but also the trailer that’s hitched to him] that their glaring at you will magically enable you to move (which is just silly because you can’t go anywhere! You’re stuck in an intersection!).

The effects of which will entangle the entire traffic area in a web of unjustifiable congestion that will be felt for no less than 7 minutes [in the immediate vicinity], and 20 minutes [in a two mile radius], give or take a few minutes depending on effects of road rage.

When I finally did clear the intersection…and then made my own way onto the freeway (after waiting through 4 – count’em FOUR lights), I saw traffic backed up on the freeway from the off-ramp of the previously blocked intersection – and it stretched down the freeway for at least a half mile.

In short, I was late to work because of a mini-van’s over inflated sense of self-importance.  And now you know why I detest mini-vans.

Categories: Favorites, Random, Rants
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