Home > Favorites, Hilarity > I need a blue-sky holiday…

I need a blue-sky holiday…

Heaven. *sigh*

Complete with a beach, an umbrella, and a ginormous fruity drink with a little umbrella all it’s own (as all beach drinks should have).

So, life is somewhat chaotic these days (isn’t it always).  However, I find that there is a kind of comfort associated with chaos…if you never know what’s coming then life is continually freaking the crap out of surprising you and that can bring with it all sorts of stress induced psychosis adventures! Like the one I had yesterday.   Seems like whenever anything is going too well, some giant shoe somewhere drops.  Maybe it’s cosmic law, or maybe it’s Murphy’s law…either way, I am screwed.  Just when I start to see the light at the end of the tunnel…I realize, that ain’t daylight- that’s the FREAKIN’ TRAIN-LIGHT!!! and Chaos steps in and mangles everything all up again.

Yesterday, I was driving along merrily on my way with my mom and my daughter (who had just suffered the horrors of vaccination and was therefore due her traditional shot-bribe, i.e. an ice cream sundae) when suddenly, and without warning (as I turned onto a major arterial) I found my car being  forced onto what little shoulder was available by a sudden loss of acceleration and the horrifying sound of grinding and snapping gears.    It sounded like an asphalt monster had come to life under my car and was chewing it’s way through my floorboards.

In a situation like this, the five stages of grief work in shotgun succession (in my case, within about 30 seconds):  *BOOM*Denial, in it’s most acute form–> ‘no…no, NO! NONONONO!!!” Then, *BOOM* Anger (works best while smashing something – example: I smashed my hand on the steering wheel. Repeatedly.) “ARGH!!!”. *BOOM* Bargaining.  “I promise I will never again torment telemarketers by pretending I am a) dead, b) 95 years old and just really glad to talk to someone or c) of foreign nationality, not able to understand a word they say if my car will just stop making these horrible noises and that maybe it’s only something like Godzilla-the-Twig caught in the undercarriage.  PLEASE!!!” *BOOM* Depression. “WHY DO THESE THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO MEEEEEHEHEHEHE!!!”  *BOOM* Acceptance.  The car done broke…again.  *pout*

Realizing we were in fact sitting in a car barely pulled off the road in heavy 40mph traffic, we decided the non-death inviting thing to do would be to stand outside and away from my poor little wounded Volvo, call for a tow and wait.  What a nerve wracking experience that was…every time a car, truck, bus rounded the corner, I was sure my car was going to be smashed to pieces.  But what can one do?

Sure, I could have dissolved into a puddle of hysterical crying right there on the sidewalk because I was certain it was the transmission (i.e. $3,000 in repairs)…AGAIN!! but what good what that do and what kind of example what I be to my impressionable 13 year old?  So, I did the next best thing.  I lectured my daughter on why “this is exactly the reason I always tell you to bring a coat! and you never do and look at you!  you’re freezing because…blah,blah,blah”  I think it was all my mom could do to NOT wet herself laughing at me.  Good times.  Good times.

Just when I am sure the tow truck will never arrive…who should come to our rescue but a truck load of fire fighters. (*grin*)

Awesome Firefighters who rescued me!

They pulled up behind us, jumped down from their lofty fire truck seats and actually said, “Excuse me miss, what seems to be the trouble?”  Apparently they’re either western fans or Python fans…or both.  Either way, I’m in major good luck and I’m pretty sure I could have kissed them for calling me “miss” as I passed “miss” about *coughincomprehensiblecough*-years ago.  They proceeded to push my poor little car off the main street (where the tow truck did finally show up to take my car to the shop) and my very bad day suddenly got better.

And then, my husband arrived (to manage the tow guy of course) and took us all to lunch where we commiserated with each other about yet another vehicle repair and where he and I toasted each other over the fact that “6 more months baby!” And he’ll be done with school! I’m telling you it cannot come fast enough.  We didn’t even breath the silent thought between us –> “what else is gonna happen before then?” *ugh*

So it all breaks down to this:

Ben & Jerry’s post vaccination celebration sundae: $5.89

Drive axel replacement and alignment: $270.40

Firefighters are FULL of AWESOME!

For everything else, there’s xanax.

P.S.  Thank you mom for running along side our rescuers to catch them in action with your camera phone!  *grin*  Those boys could really move, couldn’t they!  LOL!

Categories: Favorites, Hilarity
  1. screaminmimi
    February 18, 2009 at 4:20 am

    I truly feel your um “experience” should be aptly titled, OMGDEJAVUALLOVERAGAIN!”.

    And dedicate it to the masses, of which I am a current member, all having found ourselves at one time or another, unhappily subjected to these horrors without the slightest thought of retaining dignity (which flies out the window, immediately). Historically, they seem to come in threes. Why is that?

    These experiences often result in trauma induced home remedies like, copious consumption of the most caloric decadent chocolate in recent history, numerous shots of tequila, must be Quervo black to be worth any weight at all, and/or puffing the ever popular funny smelling hand rolled sin of your choice, all consumed rapidly, to bring the never understated blessed relief needed for enduring times like these.

    This relief always comes way too late and never lasts long enough to fully process the trauma the likes of which you have described.

    One can only hope that your daughter will glow in the after vision of your brilliance as you struggled through your frustration and agony with grace and the presence of mind not to ogle those cute firemen, et al. Hopefully she will also bring along a cozy coat should there be a horrifying next time.

    I also heavily recommend “Cherry Garcia” by Ben and Jerry’s (a blatant and unrepentant advert for my favorite ice creamery).Ben & Jerry’s remains my personal “after inoculation” self induced personal bribe. I remain fully awed at your composure.

  2. February 18, 2009 at 11:50 am

    Getting rescued by firemen (as long as your house isn’t burning down) should put a smile on anyone’s day!

    At least it wasn’t the transmission!!

    Wow! Only 6 more months to go. It’s been a long road, but it will definitely be worth it.

  3. Shelly again
    February 18, 2009 at 8:34 pm

    All I have to say is…..


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