Home > Books, Rants > Well, THAT was friggin’ irritating!

Well, THAT was friggin’ irritating!

I am seriously having buyers remorse on this one.

How could something with so much potential go so completely down the drain?

I have just finished reading “Mr. Darcy, Vampyre” and I’ve got a few bones to pick with the author.

I will start, though, by saying that I think it a highly imaginative concept- Mr. Darcy being a Vampyre.  Ms. Grange’s idea has the possibility of going in so many directions and she takes us down an interesting path as we are lead into the story.  I give her high marks for originality but a failing grade for not following through which leads me to give the entire book a C-.

Spoilers to follow, read at your own risk:

I do not like being irritated by what I read.  Granted some things irritate because of the nature of the subject.  This is not the kind of irritation of which I speak.

What I mean is, pure negligence on the author’s part.  There are many loose ends in this book, and many bits and pieces ripped from the pages of “Pride and Prejudice”, and I swear, Lizzie took about five baths in the first three chapters alone!!!  Thank you, it’s good to know the woman takes care of herself but hells bells!  There has to be more substance to a story than we went from here to there and I bathed, then we went from there to somewhere else and I bathed again.

#1 “Pride and Prejudice” References (some references to the source material are easily forgiven because they fit well into the dialog, but others are so blatant they stick out like thorns, below are a very few examples – there are many such thorns sprinkled throughout the entire book):

  • Page 8: Lizzie’s father, “Because I could not bear to let you go to anyone who did not deserve you or anyone you did not truly love.” Uh…didn’t we settle this already in the original book?
  • Page 26:  Darcy “Mrs. Darcy, are you aware that your petticoat is six inches deep in mud?”
  • Page 27:  Darcy “but your eyes, I distinctly remember, had been brightened by the exercise.”
  • Page 46: Darcy “I beg to differ, you cannot refuse me now that I have come in all my state to hear you.”

There are just enough occurrences of this type of dialog to drive me nuts.  They distracted me and pulled me out of Grange’s story, forcing me to compare “Mr. Darcy, Vampyre” to Jane Austin’s original which is a pity because this book simply does not stand up to “Pride and Prejudice”.  It tries to be dark and menacing and it does succeed in places…but mostly, it is irritating in it’s incessant need to borrow from and rely on Jane Austin’s dialog.  I wish the author had kept to her own devices which are at times quite clever in their own right.

#2 Loose ends – SERIOUS SPOILER ALERT! (in no particular order):

  • Okay, so, WTH?  The friend of the Prince, who is a vampire, wants Lizzie…why?  Because “The Ancient One believes in the old ways, that every vampyre bride should be his on her wedding night”?  Really?  “Primae Noctis”?  It has nothing to do with the eluded to “memories” Lizzie is having?
  • About that dream.  Was it a dream?  Were they actually memories? Hallucinations? What?!?  You seem to want us to believe that Lizzie has had some kind of former existence in the 1500’s and a direct connection to the burning of Palazzo Ducale, however, that train of thought seems to never quite leave the station.  This could have been developed into something very significant and interesting!  Instead…nothing.  Just a void of unanswered questions.  Thanks.
  • And then there’s Wickham.  He just shows up in the story out of friggin’ NOWHERE!?  I understand, you need to explain to the reader exactly how The Ancient One found out about Darcy and Lizzie’s wedding.  Still…he overheard Wickham talking about Darcy in a Parisian bar?  That’s pretty friggin’ thin if you ask me, and you say he was frightened?  Of what?  Did he know there was a vampire in the house? He couldn’t have been afraid of Darcy for if he were he would have stayed with Lydia instead of debauching all points between England and France.  So, what was he afraid of?
  • And what of Lydia?  Wickham leaves her…did she go back home in disgrace?  Did she disappear altogether?  And Lizzie seems unusually unconcerned about her sister!!
  • And not one single word about the reaction of Darcy’s vampire friends?  No fall out whatsoever over Darcy finding a “cure” to the vampiric condition?  Did he not think some of his friends might also want to be cured?  After all – he and his friends are not “malignant” vampires.
  • Seems to me Darcy has made quite an enemy of The Ancient One, isn’t Darcy just a little bit concerned that after The Ancient One recovers his strength, will be hunting Darcy and Lizzie down for the sake of revenge?  Vampires are kinda known for their lust for revenge, as much as for blood.  Now that Darcy is human again…kinda puts him at a disadvantage, no?  I can’t imagine that he is somehow off-limits now that he is human again.  I can’t see a pissed-off vampire caring one way or the other.
  • What happens to Darcy’s sister?  She’s still a Vampyre after all…did he suddenly no longer care to uphold the promise he made to his mother and father when they died from the bubonic plaque?

This is fanfic…and just, sorta o.k. fanfic in my opinion.  It has great potential, but it left me asking more questions than it had time or care to answer.

  1. January 12, 2010 at 1:38 am

    Thanks for this! I’ve just finished reading the book myself, and I’m glad to see that the very first review I stumbled upon hit the same thoughts that my own did.

    The P&P references drove me the battiest. I could get one, or maybe even two, being necessary – but there’s almost a direct quote in every chapter. She could have altered it to sound similar – yet convey the same meaning – and it would have been more appealing!

    I’m going to read some of her other books and see if my point of view has been tainted…

  2. Mllynn
    January 16, 2010 at 12:41 am

    When i first decided to buy this book, i did so after reading a few online reviews, each one saying how great this books was. natrualy i was excited to read it.

    upon finishing this book, the only words i could come up with were disapointing. This idea had such potential to be amazing. there were so many ways to go; romance, horror, both. it felt like the author was afraid to step out or make this book worth reading.

    anyway i could go on forever, and i completly agree with all the loose end stuff, i had the exact same thought (what about gorgiana?!!!???)

    thankyou for your honesty in writting this review, i wish i would have read this before i bought my copy.

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