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Crappy dog.

September 8, 2011 Leave a comment

No, not my beloved Lucy. One of the neighbors has a crappy dog…and guess where this neighbor likes to let it crap…?

For what seems like weeks I had been finding mysterious “piles” on my front lawn and yeah, I know my yard is not the nicest one on the block but just because I have a bit of crab grass and clover this does not designate my yard as the local canine dumping station! I mean, WHO DOES THAT???  Let’s their dog crap in a neighbor’s yard and just LEAVES IT!!?!

So not too long ago I was able to catch this neighbor in the act…or rather, it was the dog I caught mid-poo while the neighbor stood sheepishly nearby hoping to blend into the bushes.

I’ve seen him around the neighborhood a lot.  He’s an older retiree with a  fluffy, medium sized lapdog and I had already half suspected he was the culprit for about the previous month or so but couldn’t prove it, so I shouted out in a very friendly tone, “Good morning!”

He waved an embarrassed little wave and quietly said “good morning” back.

I said, with a little grin, “Hey…uh…you aren’t gonna just leave that there, are you?” And just stared at him, daring him to not answer me.

He starts patting his pockets…of course, someone who allows their dog to just go anywhere is not going to be prepared to “pick up” after their dog’s impromptu “deposit”.  He stammers, “Well, I would if uh…”

I smile brightly and say, “OHHH!  Do YOU need a baggie?!?  STAY RIGHT THERE! I’ll go get you one!” And I saunter into the house knowing this person knows he’s been caught, can’t just leave now without looking like a total asshat, and has to wait for me to bail him out of his ineptitude and self-serving stupidity by supplying him with something he knows he should have always had with him anyway.

A couple of minutes later, I stroll leisurely back out and hold it out for him and wait. He takes it, kinda looks at me with a “do you really expect me to pick that up” kind of look which got an immediate reactive expression from me which fairly shouted “HELL YES! I expect you to practically lick my lawn clean, jerk!” but then I smiled too so, it was all polite and stuff. He bends down and scoops his dog’s crap off my lawn, into the baggie,  and then has the audacity to look at me all “now what?”.

I handed him a couple of extra baggies and said to him, “I’ve got a garbage bin just over there, please feel free to use it if you need to.  I can take it for you this time though, since I’m here.”  I smiled my happiest “thank you for being an actual human and not a total douche bag” smile and walked his dog’s crap to my bin, which, you have to admit was rather magnanimous of me considering the situation. *smirk*

Just before I got into my car and just before he was past my yard, I said, “Thank you!!  I hope you have a wonderful day!”  I got a tip of the hat and an awkward “you too” and that was that.

Funny how I haven’t seen him since.  Also interesting there have been no more “mystery piles” in my yard.

GOTCHA! SUCKA! Winner is me. Ha!

Categories: Rants

Nobody puts Baby in a remake!!!

August 9, 2011 3 comments

Can you believe this crap?

Lionsgate announces  ‘Dirty Dancing’ remake

LOS ANGELES (AP) — “Dirty Dancing” is coming back to the big screen.

Lionsgate says it is remaking the 1987 film that starred Jennifer Grey as a naïve dance student and Patrick Swayze as her teacher and lover.

The studio said Monday that Kenny Ortega, who choreographed the original film, will direct the remake.

Ortega says he is eager to discover and cast “the next breakout triple-threats” to define dancing for a generation, the way Swayze did in the original “Dirty Dancing.”

I thought it was bad when the announcement was made for the horrifying remake of “Footloose” (click here to see the trailer for this inevitable train wreck), but now…now they are going after the holy grail of the late 80’s and dammit!  You have got to be freaking kidding me!!!

I know, I know, the original was far from perfect…but it had a cheeseytasticness about it that you can’t (and shouldn’t) try to replicate or redo…someone could lose an eye or something!

And I don’t really care if Kenny Oretga is choreographing it (though that is probably the single redeeming factor in the entire atrocious idea), no one, NO ONE can be “the new Patrick Swayze” and they will NEVER, EVER replace Jennifer Grey’s nose! (You know you were thinkin’ it, it’s alright…look, I’ve got before and afters:

You can’t “fix” cute. There’s nothing to fix after all. She is still cute…just different. Oh well.)

Anyway…all this to say the following:

Dear Movie Studios,

Are you really so out of ideas that you have to regurgitate story lines from a mere 2 decades ago? Is creativity completely dead or something? Seriously! GO MAKE NEW MOVIES and STOP STEALING the movies from my youth!!!

Good gravy, what’s next?!  You gonna remake “The Goonies” too?

Sincerely,

*face/palm*

[Rant] My neighbor…

July 15, 2010 Leave a comment

wishes he was a race car driver works on a race car in his garage.

He works on his car about 30 feet from our patio windows and for some reason, he thinks the time to start revving his engine is at about 9pm+ at night (which sounds remarkably similar to this).

Now…I will say so far he has usually stopped no later than 10pm…but the other night I was pms-ing and simply couldn’t stand it another minute!  So I called the non-emergency number to find out when the noise ordinance can be enforced.

Would you believe 11pm!??!? Yeah. So not happy.

The dispatcher I spoke with was wonderful and very understanding as I expressed my frustration. She said she already had an officer in the area and that she could have him do a drive by to see how bad it was. I thanked her and said “only if he isn’t doing anything, but yeah, that’d be great.”

After a while, the neighbor quiets down (about 10:15) but then me and Mr. Blu see a cop coming down the street so, we went out and chatted with him for a few minutes…described the issue, thanked him for swinging down our street (he was already in the area so no problem he said). It was really a nice conversation and the officer seemed to appreciate the fact that we came out to talk to him about it and while we were all pleasantly chatting away…

…around the corner, down our street comes three miscreant teens on bikes (who have long been a nuisance in our area) with squeaky toys, hooting and hollering and squeaking their squeaky toys in a most peace disturbing and annoying fashion! Mr. Blu and I looked at each other and grinned. Timing is freaking everything! lol!

The officer (who happened to be in an unmarked car) shouts out his window that they are biking illegally (no headlights, no helmets) and they hooted and squeaked at him as they went roaring past completely oblivious that he was a cop.

That’s when the officer flipped his strobes on and the whole neighborhood lit up in red and blue. He then excused himself from us and kinda tore off after them.

We’ll never know the actual outcome but we have great fun imagining the looks on their faces when they fully realized that their asshatery had been discovered…

Anyway…it got me over my pms grump and we didn’t hear another peep out of the neighbor after that. Double win!

[/Rant]

Categories: Rants

Don’t you love instant karma?

April 13, 2010 2 comments

Whenever someone in our house does something against someone else, invariably there will be instant karma.  For example: Daughter #1 pushes  unsuspecting daughter #2 and then proceeds to trip over her own feet and falls down.  Instant karma.  It’s a thing of beauty! *grin*

Here’s another example: Congress (well, “some” of Congress) passes the health care bill into law only to discover a “glitch” that for all intents and purposes ends their current “cushy” health care and subjects them to what everyone else will be using. In other words, the nobles have to eat with the peasants.

Honestly, it couldn’t happened to a “nicer” group of people…LMAO!  AND, on the upside, perhaps this will force them to look very seriously at this new law and truly fix it.  I’m not holding my breath but it would seem that there are only two options:  weasel out of it and try to restore the exemptions that they thought they had so carefully in place (not the best thing to do while the entire nation is watching) or make the plan workable even for the Congress.

I’ve always believed that if Congress were forced to use the same programs they so liberally foist on the American public (health, social, etc), 90% of the problems associated with them would vanish overnight.

NYT: Baffled by Health Plan? So Are Some Lawmakers (article this way —>)   Read more…

Parking Rant

April 9, 2010 Leave a comment

To the self-absorbed @$$hat who thought parking in the handicapped spot was a clever idea even though there were TWO EMPTY SPACES right next to it,

I know you might have been concerned about time which is why I presume you chose that spot to begin with (walking those four extra feet can be SO time consuming)…a quick dash in, a quick dash out…no one will know, no one will be inconvenienced. However, your definition of ‘quick’ and the rest of the world’s definition of quick differ by about 45 minutes.

I just wanted to let you know that while you were busy doing what ever the hell you thought was so important, I was able to pursue my favorite hobby…photography.

Image

Yes, I captured your parking skills on film…and as luck would have it, I just so happened to run into one of the many police sponsored volunteer groups that monitor our area for exACTly people like you. And I just so happened to let them know ALL about you…you know, truck make and model, license plate information, the fact that you were illegally parked in a handicapped spot…you know, friendly little details like that.

They were MOST interested in you, and even though you managed to ‘get away’ without being ticketed, rest assured- your truck was also recorded on our corporate security camera, along with aforementioned photos, with very CLEAR pictures of what was NOT hanging on the rear-view mirror and what was NOT visible on the license plate.

Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be hearing from our local city pd…our city needs ALL the money it can get…I’m certain they will NOT be passing up on a nice little $500.00 fine paid by your stupid inconsiderate @$$!

I have only one question for you…must you be a pothole in the highway of life?

Oh…one more thing…YOU PARK LIKE AN @$$HOLE!(.com)

Categories: Rants

Because teleprompters aren’t allowed to win…

October 9, 2009 2 comments

…that’s why!!  :D

[picapp src=”4/2/4/7/President_Barack_Obama_cd03.jpg?adImageId=4982274&imageId=6760837″ width=”500″ height=”341″ /]

In all seriousness though, what exactly is the Norwegian Nobel Committee playing at here?   Read more…

Well, THAT was friggin’ irritating!

September 20, 2009 2 comments
I am seriously having buyers remorse on this one.

How could something with so much potential go so completely down the drain?

I have just finished reading “Mr. Darcy, Vampyre” and I’ve got a few bones to pick with the author.

I will start, though, by saying that I think it a highly imaginative concept- Mr. Darcy being a Vampyre.  Ms. Grange’s idea has the possibility of going in so many directions and she takes us down an interesting path as we are lead into the story.  I give her high marks for originality but a failing grade for not following through which leads me to give the entire book a C-.

Spoilers to follow, read at your own risk: Read more…